I suppose that’s true that even people who aren’t necessarily bigots can struggle to understand what being trans is. My boomer parents aren’t transphobic, but they do struggle with the concept that when a person realizes they’re trans it retroactively means that they were always the gender they currently go by, even if they themselves didn’t know it at the time. I got into an argument with my dad when he kept calling the child of someone he knew “he” when talking about her in the past before she came out as trans. I tried to explain that, no, she was a she then as well, but didn’t know it herself and presented as a he, but he just didn’t get it.
I have a girlfriend who is trans and I knew her in the “before time” before she transitioned. When she talks about when she was a kid she refers to herself as “when I was a little girl”.
It must be so confusing for those kids. Their society, parents, relatives tell them one thing. But in their head they know they are another. My heart goes out to them.
Yeah. I’m married to a non binary person (we’re Poly, hence the girlfriend) and they didn’t change their name or gender markers until after we were married. But them describing to me about their childhood, their parents (who I adore but still struggle with the whole gender thing) and everything… Seeing their baby pictures they’re like “THAT’S NOT A GIRL! THAT’S TOTALLY IN BETWEEN!” and they’re right.
I’m just happy they can truly be themselves with me.
In the defense of your father that could also be down to how his brain categorizes things. Just as an example for myself, the actor Elliot Page technically has two different “entries” in my brain which if I could verbalize would be something along the lines of Ellen Page = Dead override Elliot Page = Alive, why is my brain doing it like that? Who knows, it’s probably the autism, but it does keep me from dead naming him.
I suppose that’s true that even people who aren’t necessarily bigots can struggle to understand what being trans is. My boomer parents aren’t transphobic, but they do struggle with the concept that when a person realizes they’re trans it retroactively means that they were always the gender they currently go by, even if they themselves didn’t know it at the time. I got into an argument with my dad when he kept calling the child of someone he knew “he” when talking about her in the past before she came out as trans. I tried to explain that, no, she was a she then as well, but didn’t know it herself and presented as a he, but he just didn’t get it.
I have a girlfriend who is trans and I knew her in the “before time” before she transitioned. When she talks about when she was a kid she refers to herself as “when I was a little girl”.
She was always a girl.
It must be so confusing for those kids. Their society, parents, relatives tell them one thing. But in their head they know they are another. My heart goes out to them.
Yeah. I’m married to a non binary person (we’re Poly, hence the girlfriend) and they didn’t change their name or gender markers until after we were married. But them describing to me about their childhood, their parents (who I adore but still struggle with the whole gender thing) and everything… Seeing their baby pictures they’re like “THAT’S NOT A GIRL! THAT’S TOTALLY IN BETWEEN!” and they’re right.
I’m just happy they can truly be themselves with me.
In the defense of your father that could also be down to how his brain categorizes things. Just as an example for myself, the actor Elliot Page technically has two different “entries” in my brain which if I could verbalize would be something along the lines of Ellen Page = Dead override Elliot Page = Alive, why is my brain doing it like that? Who knows, it’s probably the autism, but it does keep me from dead naming him.