“Still not over the American woman who was super surprised to see so many men walking around with strollers and generally looking after their children alone during her travels through the Nordic countries.”
Bolognese sauce: https://satwcomic.com/the-implication-of-that
Do American men not look after their kids?
Depends where on the political spectrum they are.
This is the real answer. The only men I know who act like it isn’t part of their job to be a dad are also super “Christian” and conservative.
In one instance I know of the wife has a college degree but the husband doesn’t. They are quite impoverished because he works and she doesn’t because “it isn’t a woman’s place to earn more than a man”. I’m not fucking kidding or editorializing.
“Yes, my self-image is worth $80,000 a year, why do you ask?”
I’ll be honest, I’ve given real thought to the idea of trying to leverage toxic masculinity to get men to take on more domestic responsibilities.
“What kind of real man needs a woman to cook for him?!”
“Bro, are you telling me that a woman can change a diaper but you can’t?!”
“Dude, if you can’t braid your daughter’s hair and get her to dance lessons on time, are you even a real man?!”
“Be a man, put on that thong. What, a big strong man like you afraid of frilly fabrics? It’s just cotton man, it can’t hurt you. Aww big man afraid of a piece of fabric so sad :'(”
It’s fun, you should do it, I’ve had many interesting interactions when going that route. Most laugh, a few get visibly confused and upset, and bro that’s the greatest part. Its a great litmus test of how comfortable a dude is in their masculinity.
The number of fathers that gave me shit for taking care of my kids is rediculous. We had our kids 15 months apart and I would routinely have both of them in a public restroom for changing. The pure vitriol directed at me for doing the womens job was immense beyond measure.
On the flip side, when I would take them to the park to play, I would be acosted by nearly every mother there. There were no fathers, just mothers that would have to comment that it was great to see a father participate. I also got a lot of phone numbers that I got very embarrased about and my wife found hilarious.
TLDR:. Most american fathers do not put in much effort unless its sports related.
My kids dad (I am not bio-mom) told me straight up he only wants adult children. I pointed out to him kids ARE adults now and he has no relationship with them due to that attitude. So many fathers want to phone it in then are shocked when they have no meaningful relationship with their kids.
I always liked Ugly Kid Joe’s version of Cats In The Cradle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B32yjbCSVpU
Thanks
The joke is, a caring dad is more attractive to women.
From what I’ve gathered, a married man is more attractive to women. I don’t know just about his wife though.
Vitriol for changing a diaper and phone numbers for going to the park? If I was one of those giving out numbers I’d definitely give it to the guy changing the diapers
I don’t think the women were in the restroom he was changing diapers in
Ridiculous*
America is just like every other highly patriarchal society: No
Some men are wonderful dads and incredibly involved but culturally speaking American men still very much buy into the concept of “woman’s work” and included in that is women raising his kids for him
It doesn’t help that men looking after thier own kids is seen as “babysitting” or even worse a predator.
There’s plenty of YouTube reviews of men taking thier kids to the park and watching them play while being a parent. Then female parents call the damn cops on the clear dad being a dad.
so my doofus brother’s wife grew up one of those “i refuse to be one of those women who does ‘women’s work’” and just wants to stay home playing video games. and my doofus brother, well, he’s a doofus so neither of them gets their house cleaned. or their food cooked properly. or their clothes cleaned. or any of that shit. it’s embarrassing
I can only speak from personal experience. my father
as a father myself I
I’m not looking for a medal, or a thank you. All I’m looking for is a bit of appreciation when they grow up and look back when they become parents.
I want to break the cycle of shitty father figures, that’s all.
am a dad, been told I’m ‘babysitting’ my kids a few times.
My wife has warned her friends “Never refer to my husband looking after his kids as “babysitting” unless you want a snarky, probably very rude response.”
“How about I sit on your baby”
My brother gets this a lot when he goes out with his daughters, and I have been told my dad got this a lot when I was a young child.
it’s just upsetting. and if I’m bitchy about it they are the ones who get offended.
Not sure I’ve ever been directly told that despite being just me with my daughter most days/weekends due to my wife’s work schedule. Thinking on it, it’s probably that I look way more intimidating than I am
Not in my experience. Men behave as if their contribution is either working a job to earn money for the family and/or drinking/physical violence.
Usually both, at least in my region.
Grew up in America. Father never raised me. It was 100% my mom. My only memories of my dad are him working in his office, him losing his shit if you talked to him during the day (even to say “it’s lunch time, dad”). Him leading the conversation at dinner, him yelling and screaming at my mom and I, and him punishing me if my grades were more than. 5% away from perfect.
In addition to broadly prevalent ‘traditional’ norms promoted and espoused by men in many, many parts of the US, that assert that caring for a child is innately feminine…
Tons of American women also actively promote patriarchy, they’d call these guys gay and not real men, for taking care of their kids, for being stay at home dads.
Generally it’s considered suspicious for an adult man to be alone with a child so it’s safer and more convenient for men not to be involved with their children’s lives in any solo capacity. It stems from this idea of everyone-is-pedophile-except-for-pedophiles.
This is a BS justification imo
Being alone with your own child is not considered suspicious. Hanging out alone with out a child at a playground sure. Having your own kid in your cart at the grocery store? Absolutely not
Here in Poland playgrounds are often extended with a public outdoor gym or something similar. That solves all problems, making them social centers for both child-free and parents.
E.g.
With fenced playground:
And no fence anywhere
Same thing in Australia. I love getting a quick workout whilst the kids play. The kids love the gym equipment as well.
Wait, I haven’t seen these outdoor gyms around in Sydney. Granted, I’m not paying close attention to playgrounds, in which cities have you seen them?
Nearly every largish playground in western Sydney has some near by. I have also seen them in nearly every playground I have visited in Brisbane area.
I’ll keep my peepers open
But that’s the problem. People here see grown man + child, come to a conclusion, and only accept evidence that reinforces it. It doesn’t matter if it’s your kid, there’s enough idiots that refuse to believe that that your child and you are now in danger.
Don’t buy too much into all the ragebait on the internet. I take my kid to the park all the time and no one has ever so much as looked at me sideways. And no other fathers solo-parenting their kids at the park have ever been accosted during the many, many hours I’ve spent there.
Yes, some idiots foolishly assume man+kid=danger, but this is not a typical reaction at all. People who react negatively and make a scene are an extreme minority.
From an Australian perspective: I agree. I was a foster care case manager for a fair while and whenever I was looking after kids in public I was hyperaware of being accused of something, but I never was. Not even weird looks or glances or anything like that. On the contrary, random women would often compliment me on being a good guardian for the kids because I’d love to muck around and play with them rather than just watch while they played.I slowly deconstructed that fear over time and am in a much better place with it now.
Are you an American? Because that’s pretty common here.
Yes, I’m an American. Are you speaking from personal experience, or going off of what you see online? Because the horror stories you see online are not representative of the whole of society. The scary and outlandish stories make headlines and get shared around by people. Nobody shares links to videos or writes articles about “Father goes to park with kids, everybody is chill and nobody panics”.
I’m also American. This is what I see all the time.
But that’s really sad, if you think about it.
“Generally in the USA, it’s considered suspicious.”
That means generally, Americans are unaware of these father-child activities.
That means generally, Americans didn’t have a good father.
Now, a lot of people would intuitively jump to “Nah my dad was ok” - but if this isn’t normal behaviour for you, then you’re just unaware of how bad your whole frame of reference is. That is a tough pill to swallow, though.
Except*
Thank you. Fixed.
There is absolutely a stereotype of dads not being involved in the child raising process outside of “teaching the kid to play ball” or teaching the kid repair skills around the house/car.
I know at least one friend who’s husband refuses to change any diapers and generally leaves the entire child raising process to his wife. But it’s also rapidly becoming far more normal for dads to actually be involved in their kids lives and take their kids places and taking an active part in raising their kids
It’s getting better, but you have two factors. One a large portion of men with kids were raised by their mothers, so they don’t know another way. That is shifting though. The other is that American women tend to be more competitive or something. Part of the capitalist society type competitive. People still see the kids as Moms job, so if the kids aren’t dressed right or whatever, it’s Mom’s fault. Pair that with the extra competitiveness and plenty of ladies don’t trust their man tomanage things. And because the Man isn’t going to be judged, he doesn’t have as high a bar for perfection, which just amplifys things.
Like I get my son dressed in the morning. And my wife will often reject my choices. Now I have no fashion sense at all, so she isn’t wrong or anything. If people wouldn’t judge her on my choices, she could relax. Another thing is I handle all the medical and school stuff. But they all still call Mom first. I’ve had to remove her number in some cases. So even a guy who is trying gets undercut. It’s all very messed up.
yes of course they do.
Paternity leave?
When American men look after their children people call the police and accuse them of being pedophiles for daring to be in public with a child.
I have two young daughters. I brought them everywhere by myself. This never happened. Adjust your assumptions.
That is also an anecdote. Really this is something thats very difficult to study accurately, and so forming hard opinions one way or the other is irresponsible.
Except I’m not the one making claims. If all you have is two conflicting anecdotes, then the best you can say is that you know nothing and keep your mouth shut.
So on this topic, we know nothing and should keep our mouths shut.
Exactly
No they don’t
I think it is also specifically racist, implying that the black character didn’t know her father.
Buddy, that’s a white chick with the Paris Hilton build. It’s that American men are shit or that we don’t get leave from work for either mother or father to have time to spend with their new family addition.
American workers period, don’t get enough pay or government support, such as free child care, to take time out to care for their families.
So the lowest paid adult, usually the mother, is stuck with childcare duties.
Not to normalize that both parents should be working full-time either in order to support the family, and be able to invest the time into raising children.
Hell, my partner and I run a cleaning business. We both have to take clients so thst we have a enough money to get by. Plus dragging a kid around with us.
Ouch. Running a business is more than a full-time job! I’m doing that.
It is, but I will say I love it for a lot of reasons. One. I’m by myself for most jobs. Other than my partner or my kid. Which I love enough to tolerate, just kidding, (they’re great, but I’m not a people person, so it can take a toll on me to be someone to someone all the time)
I get to listen to podcast like Legends of avantris and just zone out while doing work. Hell, sometimes the places are still so clean from last time, all I gotta do is dust and wash stuff. It has ups and downs
Guy, it’s a cartoon
Now apply that same statement to what you said before.
I wasn’t going to reply because I didn’t think it was productive but I’ve had three replies totally misunderstanding what I meant by “it’s a comic”.
The person I was replying to seemed to think it was clear the american was white. As it is a comic, it is very open to interpretation.
I understand I was wrong - I saw another comic with this character being referred to as white and doing something hella racist but all of these replies are totally misunderstanding me.
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I mean stonetoss makes cartoons too.
That’s not to compare the two, this cartoon isn’t racist at all from what I can tell but the defense of being a cartoon is a poor one.
And? Lots of our greatest stories are cartoons. They still can have a meaning.
Bruh what, its referring to how American fathers often dont have time/arent culturally as used to looking after the kids compared to Scandinavia.